This is my first fan-fiction. And after reading G.A. Hauser’s “Keeping it Up”, I had to do something so I could deal with the contention in the book. It struck nerves, it caused squeamishness that normally I would never have felt. Maybe it was because I have fallen in love with the characters of these series. But I had to put closure and love back in a way that I could physically and psychically grasp and control my feelings. Three days of torture and I can finally put this down. I can’t wait to read more about them. These characters are real in a way.
“Okay Billy, he doesn’t know your here. I don’t want him to know just yet. Not until we roll film. Stay back behind Cliff and then when we roll, stand to the left where he can see you. See the red X? Well I want him to see you as he starts walking towards it. I want to see his surprise, his honest reactions.”
“Hey Cliff? Billy will be behind you. Kind of hide him until roll camera?”
“Sure thing Boss!”
“Hey kid? You Ready?”
“No, nervous, this is it? I’ll screw it up!”
“No, no you won’t. You know the motivation behind this?”
“I get it but I don’t.”
“Let me see if I can explain.”
“I remember when I realized Sir was my Master. We’d been together for just over a year. I’d never been allowed to call him ‘master’, to use that word, or more he had never demanded it. He had said that the word should mean something, that in a way when you said ‘master’ you were saying “I love you.” Now I loved him. I just didn’t know until then that parts of me were still held back. I mean I had trusted him to put me back together after the scene that went horribly wrong. The one that hospitalized me. I was such a wreck. He came, gave me my safety, gave me a security blanket. He helped me, pushed, broke me, put me back together. I mean he was patient, he held me in his hand, watched me shatter, and held the pieces as I rebuilt myself. I would never have written this story, this movie, if I didn’t have him to lean on when I fell apart. He never stopped pushing and believe me I pushed back; tried to chase him away and he never left. I realized as I watched him discourage the twinks and women that walked up to him. I watched them leave disappointed. I watched him deal with them with his infinite patience, the same patience he showed me but without the love. That was mine.
I remember leaving my stool, walking to him. I remember the look in his eyes when he saw me in front of him, the surprise, the recognition, the love. I remember lowering to my knees, proud in my submission to my master. And I remember before I lowered my eyes I simply said ‘Master’, giving him all of me. I don’t think my eyes made it to his chest before I was picked up and kissed. And it was our first kiss. Don’t look at me like that. Yes, we had kissed. But not like this, not without holding anything back on either side. I consider that our first kiss. And he so broke protocol that night. The rest of the night he held me, I wrapped around him clinging like a spider monkey, not letting go. So all night I was held and petted, kissed. And when we got home? Well, that you don’t need to know. But I think that is enough for you to do this. Right?”
“Yes, yes it is. More than enough. Thank you.”
She watched Alex walk, deep in thought, to his mark. She smiled, called “Action” and watched his eyes as he realized his husband was behind the camera. His face, his eyes, his delivery showed the emotions she needed to get this shot. She would never abuse her actors. Never had, never would.
She nodded to Billy, letting him know it was okay. He rushed around the camera, picking up Alex. Kissing him, hugging him, loving on him. They’d be okay. This movie had been cathartic for all of them.
“You catch it all Cliff?”
“Yeah boss. I can do the movie magic after we get Colt’s shots and make like the others were never there.”
She turned off the main lights and the sound, slowly shutting down all of the machinery. Watching her actor walk off stage with his lover, she smiled. She’d been able to make this up to them.
“Dev!” She ran to her lover, her master, her universe. Without him, she would never have been here, never had survived. She meant what she had told Alex earlier, every word. He had saved her.