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J Elyzabeth's Blog

A Writer's Journey of a Secluded Mind

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In My LIfe

Thoughts and things about my life or I find interesting as they happen.

I have come to the realization that I am not home enough to have a cat. Nor is this apartment large enough.

I admit I am too lazy for a dog. And again, I am not home enough for one.

But a feesh (yes I know, fish). A feesh I could do. So, I get a used tank from family. Now note I want feesh. Not snails. As this is a used tank, and said owner has occasionally had the snail explosion. I thought ok I’ll follow the start up cycle. Give it a couple weeks.

Tank is started, teeny plant all by itself. Two weeks go by. No snail. This is good.

I go get a few more plants, turn on the heater. All is good.

Then

I come home from work

And there on the front

And there on the side

One

Two

Threefourfivesix …. no

Yes. Not feesh, no I haven’t bought those yet.

Snails.

So now we wait. What type of snails and no I don’t want that many. Depending on the type, I might let one not-feesh live. Might.

So this weekend I will have to become a murderer and start hunting down the unwanted guests.

I am alone. I have work. I have family i dont talk all that much to.

What if i was to take my insanity and add to this?

Write what i imagine significant others would be like?

Or have i just crossed that line?

Life’s catching up

Adulting ain’t doing so well

Trying to find the happy for me

Ostracized

Sanity fleeting

They don’t

I don’t

I have a reason

Somewhere

I’ll find it

Reaching for something

Can anyone hear you

Silently screaming

Screaming loudly

Sanity fleeting

Feelings elusive

Loneliness encompassing

Slowly drowning

Can that happen

Can you drown in nothingness

Can you be nothingness

Same stories

Are they true

Sanity flees

Life ensues

And nobody sees

Nobody hears

Glass houses

Silence

Silence is deafening

Yeah. I can still access my account by my phone. Ummmm…. the computer is stuck in safe mode. 

I can still use it. 

I can still walk. Not run. We waddle quickly.  It aint pretty. 

I still write like i talk. Slang. 

I can still pursue world dominance. I mean come on! (Ok… that was in bad taste)

I can still write. Write small. Write often. 

I can still write my book. 

But tomorrow. Tonight? Tonight I’m netflix’n and chill 😀

Okay. I just started getting comfy. Mistake. Now the place is going to be sold. And I have to move. And I have to actually start at my second job to get paid. I’m hired, but I haven’t worked yet. Extenuating circumstance beyond my control, well because they are not mine.

But really? So now I have to find a place to live. AND let me tell you. It is not easy. Price versus convenience  versus laundry facilities versus travel time. I mean really, which one is going to be easiest to get home from in the winter after the second job?

I mean this is the place I will be at for the next 5 years at least. And will I even like my neighbors? All I want is a little one bedroom that is relatively secure, because hey, single person living on their own. So I have to look at the crime rates, the listed person locations. Umm… anxiety attack anyone?

I am not liking this real world grown up stuff at all.

But the plus, once I move into my new place after I find it, I should have time to Minecraft and Write and Write and read… and read?

It’ll all be good. I just need to trust in God and let go.

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